I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize