Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
