hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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