i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
