Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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