I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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