well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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