my mouth tastes like poor choices
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
