well I can't set my house on fire every night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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