just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
