So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize