Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
