im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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