Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
