dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
