Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
