I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
