fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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