Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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