at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
