I am spending my child support on dildos
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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