I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
