Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
