Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
