It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
