Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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