We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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