I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
