the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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