I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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