The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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