Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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