I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize