the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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