Yo dont text me then not text me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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