yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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