I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
