So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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