and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
