i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
