I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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