he puts the penis in happiness.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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