Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Is it because I queefed?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
