just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I pour the whiskey from now on
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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