just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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