I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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