somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
