roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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