i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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