I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
