I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
