When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize