Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
