Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
