she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
