Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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