i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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