I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
