when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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