Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
