im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
