Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
