I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
