How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
