eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
