peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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