when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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