so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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